butterflychasing

reading
Iris Murdoch: Under the Net
Jeffrey Eugenides: Middlesex

listening
Selection of my cd collection (while unpacking)
The White Stripes: Elephant (first pay packet: woop!)

watching
28 Days Later
Buffalo Soldiers

enjoying
spring and warmth in the sun
new job
glebe

current mood
homesick and displaced (missing friends, vegie bar, comfort zone)

blogs that I like
sushipop
loobylu

email me

19 September, 2003
Have been incredibly lazy this weekend...had a horrendous migrane on Friday. Felt as if I was on my deathbed, not helped by the fact that I was reliving 28 Days Later, which I saw recently (probably up there with Apocolypse Now for being worst migrane films)...My housemates have been away..heaven! So spent yesterday watching videos: The Two Towers, Charlie's Angels, Terminator Two...all very easy on the brain...today I've potted around. Keep intending to leave the house but not quite getting past my bedroom door. Plans for the weekend fell through completely, so I feel as if I want to ignore the world a bit longer, stay cocooned in my room, enjoying uninterrupted internet access, a quite house...I realise more and more how much I don't like share house living...admittedly not a unique or shocking admission; I just resent having to share my space with other people. bah!

19 September, 2003
Oh joy!! Can't believe how nice it is to be blogging again...I exist in a virual environment again (yes, I lead a very boring life). Wow, it's been soooo long...eek! Where to start? Well, as you might gather, I'm in Sydney. Gradually finding my feet, wondering if I can make it work here, not just the job, but, well, everything; friendships, relationships, social stuff. I can't help thnking about this as a Sliding Door moment...this is a fundemental decision in my life which will either lead to good things or bad things...yes, I'm being melodramatic about what is, really, a pretty miniscule decision in the scheme of things..

Will fill you in details over the next week. Currently, I feel like telling you about my weekend. I went and saw Buffalo Soldiers yesterday. Really enjoyable. However the ending was annoying. Apparently the ending in the book is much bleaker and tragic than the film, the postivie ending of which I found annoying and almost inconsistant to the uncompromising nature of rest of the film. Still the psychological disintegration (enlightenment?) of the main character was a great ride.

20 July, 2003
Was woken up at 1.00am with an almighty crash as part of the celing fell down in the hallway. If someone had of been under it, it would not have been good. This isn't the first time it's happened. It's an old house with huge cracks on the walls, increasing with every week. The landlord is effectively ignoring the situation, which isn't entirely reassuring.

Was up throughout the night, adding to two lists; one for all the vibewire work I've got to do and the other for what I need to do before going away...both are becoming alarmingly long.

19 July, 2003
Enjoyed a lovely night out last night with a friend down from Sydney...first a yummy dinner at the Vegie Bar (roast vegie special), then drinks and conversation at a bar.

Came home really tired but then was wide awake in bed worried about Sydney, as the place I was going to stay initially has fallen through...I'm sure somethihng will turn up...I then had a disturbing dream (which I'm pretty sure I've had before), where I had had to complete some sort of course which was uphill. I kept on struggling to keep going higher and higher, and then found I had to go around the course again. I wish my subconscious wouldn't tell me things already knew...

Today was spent enjoying the house for the last weekend before my absent housemates get back...watched quite a few episodes of buffy: season four, then cleaned the house a bit. In the afternoon I walked to Lygon Street. It was chilly but a beautiful walk through north fitzroy and carlton streets...I'm nostalgic for Melbourne before even leaving...

17 July, 2003
Spent yesterday in bed with a fucking horrendous migrane. It's an awful price to pay, but I must admit now that it's passed, I feel fantastic...refreshed and focussed. I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed by all the events of the last week or so catching up with me. I just needed to step off the world for a day to get my bearings...

In other news: I'm making good headway into my new zine, tentatively titled 'Encounter with a crazed born again christian woman and other amazing adventures'. Gonna try and finish it this weekend, 'cause I'm sick of talking about it.

15 July, 2003
I emailed my friend Mim about getting the job in Sydney. About 1/2 an hour later I got a call from her congratulating me - from East Timorwhere she's currently working. Calling from such a long way was such a lovely thought and really made my day. It might be a while, but I'm really looking forward to her returning to Sydney (for purely selfish reasons of enjoying her company).

14 July, 2003
A mentally exhausting day, more than necessary. I've just checked my email, and even though I have soooo much to do, I just can't face it. Time to turn off the computer, try and finish writing my zine, and then curl up in front of the heater with The Years.

13 July, 2003
News just in:

I got the job!!! I'm moving to Sydney in, ohmygod, 3 weeks. Am resigning from bookshop tomorrow and am looking forward to this immensely. More soon. Have to go and write part of an annual report for vibewire (groan)...could be a long night...

9 July, 2003
Work at the bookshop today was an experience that really encapsulated the reasons why I need to get the fuck out of there. It started with a very defensive and unreasonable customer telling me why I should read the anti-feminist writer Warren Farrell. For almost all my shift I then had to deal with the owner, who is emotionally unstable and unpredictable. Her lack of communication skills and any mangement skills is incredible. All this is apparent in the energy she gives off...you sense her anxiety and insanity immediately when she's there...I was so angry and annoyed by the end of the day. Resenting being in such a tedious and meaningless job. I came as close as I ever had to quitting on the spot.

I've got home and realised just how tired I am too, which is, of course, making me more tired and cranky. Am currently listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs EP. The song Art Star is my stressed out song...it alternates between a sweet, meodic ditty with snatches of screaming...It is exactly the type of mood I'm in. A shame really. I'm flying up to sydney tomorrow and wanted to prepare some research. But I'm just sooo sleepy...

8 July, 2003
Dark cloud has passed. Helped along by being invited along to second job interview for below mentioned job. Odd. I'd rather given up hope, sent a bodering-on-cranky email wondering when the fuck I should expect to find out about the job (or words to that effect), then got a call. And I'm being flown to Sydney for it! That someone would be willing to do this for me is rather astounding! I'm very excited and a bit daunted. The first interview was fucking hard. Can I meet their expectations in person?? Have decided to treat myself to an extra day in sydney. I'm going to hit the MCA, the Art Gallery, Gleebooks and the Harbour...

In other news: I have a bit of a crush on a guy who works at Movie Reel around the corner. He's geeky and has glasses (what's not to like!). It's quite silly; I find myself flirting with him, which makes him all flustered...though perhaps he's naturally flustered (not beyond the relm of possibility) or just flustered because he's embarrassed for me. Gotta love it!

4 July, 2003
Feeling crap. Let not one, but two, friends down this weekend (in two unrelated things). Also let myself down by not getting around to do a personal project I've been really wanting to do...want to crawl under my bed and not come out for a week. Tired. But have to leave the house; otherwise I'll be making it three for three, which is simply not on...feel like a bit fat loser.

urrghh

3 July, 2003
Savouring jonquils on my desk, freshly picked from mum's garden.

26 June, 2003
Still no word. It's driving me to distraction...I'm alternating between (on the one hand) feeling like moving to sydney is exactly the challange I need and, on the other, feeling like I'll be making a big mistake, losing an increasingly good network of creative types (not to mention not being able to carry on with various creative projects I've started recently)...Nonetheless, I simply cannot tolerate staying in the bookshop any longer. so, feeling edgy and anxious.

Bah!

24 June, 2003
Feeling quite detached from everything...which is weird, because it was a pretty full-on week for me. The major event was a phone interview for a job in Sydney. I spent most of the week researching and thinking about how I'd change the site. I'd been feeling physically ill about the interview, but I think it went pretty well, though they certainly grilled me. After I hung up I felt overwhelmingly exhausted. I walked down to Brunswick Street to get some air which helped a little...but by Friday afternoon I started to get a migrane. I made it home but went straight to bed.

Still no word. They said it could take up to a week. I can't remember feeling this anxious about something for a long time. Lots of people asking me if I've heard and whenever I speak to anyone I know I seem to bring the conversation back to the job eventually...am totally preoccupied. I'm dreading not being offered it, as it's probably the only job I feel capable of doing well and enjoying...

16 June, 2003
Went and saw Secretary on the weekend. Simply stunning...I hadn't known what to expect...but was pleasantly surprised at the complexity and empathy the issues of S&M and self-harm were given. Unexpectedly beautiful performances too...

Met the lovely and amazing Katy for quick catch up tonight...she'd made a mix tape of Blur for me. I really like getting mix tapes...not only because it exposes me to new and diverse groups and genres, but also because it's usually such a labour of love for whoever does the mixing. I always feel so priviledged to receive them..kinda like a more creative type of book recommendation...imagine if we could do this for books...take a selection of quotes from various novels from same or disperate authors, passages that have particularly moved and affected you....

Blur remind me so much of my brother...I discovered them when I house-sat for him a couple of years ago...at which time I totally od'ed on them...startling about how much listening to it takes me back to that period...

Overall, not an incredibly productive weekend for me, though I've spend a lot of time *thinking* about stuff, my life and trying to make decisions that may mean quite a lot of change for me...

12 June, 2003
For some reason I stayed up until 4 am last night. Mainly faffing around on the net, though did do some editing and sent back some structural feedback to the writer (am a bit nervous of just how much sense my writing made). Today I was productive in my typcial fits and bursts...wish I could sustain some momentum with inspiration and motivation...

It's now almost 9pm and I'm fading fast. Too tired to think, let alone write. I think I'll to crawl into bed soon with a book and Mozart.

8 June, 2003
I've developed an addiction to cammomile tea; very odd. I've never got into herbal tea (indeed, found it a little repulsive), apart from green tea if I'm out eating Japanese/Chinese. But this week I've been having it in the morning, before, or even instead of, coffee. Just haven't been able to face the caffeine for some reason. I've also been quite the little domesticate. I've cooked up two lots of thick soup, first leak and zucchini, and I've just cooked up pumpkin soup. It's the cold weather. I could live off soup (and fresh bread) all winter...

Parents place for dinner last night and picked up my great aunt's portable-though-quite-hefty electric heater, which is infinitely better than the crap little fan heater I've been using for the last four years to heat my bedroom in various house shares. Soup, cammomile tea, new Radiohead cd, heater (and fresh flowers on my desk); all is right in the world....